Are You Doing These 5 Things To Build Connection In Your Marriage?
It is the most isolating feeling in the world when you feel disconnected from your spouse – the person you want to feel the most connected to. All of us marrieds have experienced this feeling at varying times, as well as the deep hurt and pain that can go along with it. However, the good news is that when both you and your spouse put in the work to continue to grow and learn in your marriage, you can create a strong foundation that will be able to withstand any conflict or issues that arise. And on top of that, you’ll be able to create the level of connection, understanding, and intimacy that you’re desiring to experience in your relationship. Here are 5 tips to keep in mind that will help you along in this process:
1. Live with extreme honesty and openness with one another.
My husband, Brendon, and I live extremely openly and honestly with one another. We share our most inward thoughts, feelings and desires – even the ones that challenge our character and values at times. This is not necessarily always pleasant but iron sharpens iron, and we do trust each other and we trust God’s process in our marriage (not to mention, dull is not a lifestyle we are keen on choosing.) Both of us choosing to live this way has created a rich and fulfilling sense of intimacy between the two of us.
Practice creating this type of lifestyle with your spouse and watch how the feelings of intimacy and closeness between the two of you drastically increase.
2. Remind yourself that being different from one another is not a “bad thing.”
Being different from your spouse is actually a gift that is meant to enhance your lives, in that you’re most likely able to experience things you would not experience without each other. Look at your differences as something you get to embrace and celebrate rather than something that needs to be changed. Give permission to let each other be your genuine selves.
3. Continue to grow in your ability to truly listen.
Learning how to listen well is paramount in any relationship, especially in marriage. There are still times where I’m guilty of waiting for Brendon to stop talking just so I can tell him what I think and how I felt about what he was saying. But thankfully overall, I’ve grown in being able to reign in that desire and temporarily put it aside while I attempt to genuinely listen to what he’s sharing. My goal in this is to be present and listen to the words he is saying in order to position myself to hear the message from his heart.
4. Remind yourself that you and your spouse’s hearts are for each other.
It has helped me to remember that my husband’s heart is always for me. In being able to filter my thoughts with this understanding, when conflict arises or we don’t see eye-to-eye, it allows me to see situations more accurately instead of viewing any conflict as a personal attack. Remember conflict does not mean that you are on opposite teams. It simply means that you are two completely different people, with different personalities and norms who have merged your lives together in the most intimate kind of relationship you can experience on this earth.
5. Have fun and laugh together!
Sometimes one of the best ways to connect with your spouse is finding things to laugh about together, which could possibly require temporarily limiting your serious talks. Now, I don’t mean to ignore serious issues that need to be addressed, but sometimes couples can wear each other out talking through every tiny thing that needs to be worked on in their relationship. Intentionally carving out time to just enjoy one another’s company is needed in being able to build that deeper desire and connection in your marriage.
Try and keep these tips in mind as you continue on your marriage journey. As you intentionally implement them, I trust that you will begin to feel that deeper and more fulfilling connection that you’ve desired to experience with your spouse.
by Katie Byrne