Are You in Love with the Idea of Love?
Are you living from emotional excitement in your relationship instead of a commitment that is based in reality?
For those of us who have a strong desire to be in a relationship, sometimes we end up falling in love with the idea of love more than the actual person we are dating. We get so excited to be in a relationship that we don’t take time and get to know the person we’ve entered into a relationship with. When we get caught up in the romance of it all, we often become focused on how this relationship can meet our needs rather than attempting to build intimate connection between two people. We don’t intend for this to happen but it becomes primarily about ourselves and our emotions instead of true intimacy. Media and movies have conditioned us to believe that the emotions of a relationship stem from romance, but God designed it to come from connection. Having our romantic acts birthed from a place of connection rather than needing connection to come from romance, helps us stay in a place of giving, understanding and learning – the perfect environment for intimacy.
If your level of emotional attachment has been greater than your level of commitment in a relationship, chances are there is a part of the relationship that you are using to meet your own emotional needs. The best way to avoid this from happening is to really get to know somebody. Ask lots of questions. See what they are like in different circumstances. Make sure both of you are letting each other in on the good, bad and the ugly. And if you are just meeting someone, don’t allow yourself to be head-over-heals before you even know them. It’s okay to admit being really excited and having butterflies about getting to know someone you have an interest in, but do the work required to get to know someone and allow your emotions to build off of that connection.
*This question is taken from the Relationship Health Checklist in the Single Life Workshop Manual.
by Brendon Byrne