Relationships: Fantasy Vs. Reality
Are you living out your relationship in your mind or fantasy rather than in reality?
This is a great question for those who are in a beginning relationship. Since no one enjoys feeling rejected, it has unfortunately become an all-to-common practice to play out relationships in our head or fantasize about them. By doing this, we get to experience the thrilling emotions of liking someone without the risk of actually having to get to know them. It may be safer to live from fantasy and our own emotions but the result pales in comparison to actual relationship. One great guiding question to help us know if we are doing this is to ask ourselves, “Do I find myself liking them more when I am with them or when I am by myself thinking about them?” In a real relationship, one where we aren’t dating our own emotions or fantasy, our desire and enjoyment should grow out of actually spending time with the person we are interested in, not primarily from being alone thinking about them.
If you find you are continually living out relationships in the safe zone of your mind, here is your answer: When you feel desire or interest for someone, make yourself go up and talk with them. Don’t do it with the intentions of starting a romantic relationship but simply with getting to know this person who caught your eye. I guarantee that if you fill your head with the reality of who the person is through actual relationship, it will be that much more difficult to create a fake image in your head to date.
*This question is taken from the Relationship Health Checklist in the Single Life Workshop Manual.
by Brendon Byrne