Q & A: When’s a Good Time to Bring Up Your Sexual Past?
Q: When is a good time to bring up your sexual past in a relationship?
A: Not too early and not too late. Sharing important information about our past is a vital part to a growing committed relationship. It isn’t, however, necessary to share all of our worst secrets on the first date. Openness and vulnerability should increase as the seriousness of the relationship increases. In the beginning, we should be trying to get to know the other person and see if we want to move towards a romantic/exclusive relationship. Once that’s established and we’ve entered into a relationship that is at least moving towards the general direction of marriage, it becomes important to start letting the person in on any important information that could affect their decision of choosing us. This is not limited too but definitely includes our sexual past. On the other hand, if we wait too long, our process of sharing openly can become more of a betrayal than letting someone in on our lives. Imagine finding out important information after you’ve been dating for a long time or even married that you should have known about the person before hand. After there has been commitment and sharing of one another to learn something they’ve been hiding would be hurtful and make trusting difficult. There is no equation or magical time limit for when to share. We need to ask Holy Spirit to lead us, and as we become more invested in one another we need to make sure we begin opening up more and more about the difficult and important things of our past.
by Brendon Byrne